my visa is expiring soon but im pregnant by my british boyfriend. Advice?
Im black african and my boyfriend is white british. He is 41 and im 24. We have been together for 1 year. I am 14 weeks pregnant with his baby. He is really supportive and and caring. Im currently on student visa but it expries in 2.5 months as ive finished my postgraduate studies. My intention was return home but i think its better to stay and have the baby so we can bring him up as a couple.We talked about getting married with my boyfriend he was okay at the start but he seems to have changed his mind. He says yes but doesnt put in effort and i get a feeling hes just making me feel calm. Each time i mention visiting the registra office or seeing a solicitor, he tells me not to panic. I even asked him what he though about getting marreid in africa as the procedure is much faster and less hectic like here but he said he wants everything to be done here. I honestly dont think people should marry because of babies and neither im i in a rush for marriage but i feel its the best option for us to live together especially now that we have a baby coming and i have immigration limitations. My worry is that the pregnancy is growing every day and time is running out for me to work on my extension. Besides i dont want him to think im using him to get visa. Im more happier back home with my family but i do dearly love him and i want him to bond with the baby and be involved in his life right from birth. My baby needs a daddy. He seems a good dad, hes been with me for the scans, hospital appointments and also tries his best to provide for me.
He recently told me that his mom and family werent happy that he was getting married to a young galfriend because i would be a primary heir to his house and propety. This really hurt me and made me think twice about marrying him. I think his family doesnt like me. My boyfriend tells me to be strong that he will sort out everything. He shows he loves me and cares but i dont want to be a problem to this family. Im not ready to have wrangles and arguments with inlaws and step daughters. I know all relationships have milestones and ive got to be strong but i dont like it when they talk about me evil things. Im not after his wealth or money. I can work hard and have my own property. I just love him as a person and besides he is my baby’s dad.
I told my boyfriend that maybe i should go back home and wait as we sort out the visa issue but hes not happy with me being miles apart from him especially now that im expecting. Of course i love my man to bits, we have been through so much together but at the same time i do not want to have immigration problems. I want to have a happy, healthy and calm pregnancy and birth with no stress of being illegal in the country. Im a bit worried that the relationship may die once i travel back to africa because of the distance and communication problems. I dont want my baby not to have a dad. I will miss him too but i still think going home is the best option for me and the baby. I however dont want him to think m just taing off with his unborn baby. I want to make a fair and just decision for both of us. What should i do? Should i go home at the end of my visa, have my baby and carry on with life and see what happens? Im not going to keep reminding him about marriage because i feel maybe im pushing him hard. Probably hes not ready. I believe marriage is a free will decision and we both have to consent to it bcause it is and lifetime committment.
Is there any other visa i can ask for? Please advise me
If you are asking about the procedures, check the Home Office website below. Your time is running out, as you need to apply for a Certificate of Approval, and then make the arrangements to register a marriage, and then apply for FLR(M) visa extension. This extension must be applied for before your current visa runs out, otherwise you would become an overstayer. (Once the application is in on time, your current status would continue) The website says they "aim" to decide on 65% of CoA requests within four weeks; and then you need to give, I think, 15 days notice before a marriage can be registered; alternatively, if you marry in the Church of England, no CoA is required. In due course, after two years on FLR(M) you could apply for ILR (Indefinite Leave to Remain), and then for British citizenship; your baby if born in the UK would automatically be British through his/her father. If born abroad, he could still be registered as British.
I think though that you are unsure about what you really want, leaving aside the immigration stuff.
Ideally marriage is entered into freely, as you say, but in fact there is a baby in the picture and between you you have to decide how the child will be brought up; there is no real freedom about this. Also, the Immigration laws will not allow you to stay in the country without a clear commitment from the father. Do not think about some other kind of visa, it would be bound to be refused because they will suspect that the real purpose of any further visa will be to find a way to stay in the UK without being married.
If you decide that it would be best to stay together in the UK, I suggest that you go together to see someone that can advise you both how things stand; he most likely is not aware of how strict immigration issues are. You may find your student welfare place to be a good option, perhaps less intimidating and quicker to get an appointment with than a solicitor – but make sure in advance that they actually know what they are talking about. Hopefully he will then realise that supporting you is going to be about more than going to scans together, and that he needs to sort things out quickly.
Frankly, if you return to Africa I doubt that your relationship will last. Apart from the issue of your baby needing a father, you need to think about how your life as a single mother might be back home. On the other hand, getting married in Africa and then applying to return as a spouse is a good option, except that you will be alone through the pregancy and most likely the birth.
If your partner is marriage-phobic, perhaps this will help him: you could get married now as a pragmatic thing, after two years together you can get ILR, if you separated after your status here would still be secure; and who knows, once the baby is here he might find that he’s happy being married.
It may be that his family think you are using the situation to stay in this so-wonderful country or to get your hands on property, or they may be against you for other reasons; it is up to your partner whether he is going to let such ignorance mess up his life. I think the best that can be done is that he is made to clearly understand what the options are and make his decision clearly and quickly.
Option 1: get married here, apply for FLR(M), live together for two years, see how things work out from there;
Option 2: you return to Africa, get married there, you apply to join him, wait perhaps six months, then the same two years here before ILR.
Option 3: you return to Africa, stay in touch for a time, hope that he realises before it’s too late that he made the biggest mistake of his life, that he comes to join you there or to marry you and bring you back, alternatively you just move on and forget about him.
No easy answers, but I hope that helps a little. I really wish you both the best of luck.
EDIT: there is no such thing for the UK as "de facto visa"; you could I suppose try to extend your student visa or get a work visa, but this would basically be fraudulent and certian to be refused if they come to know you are pregnant; and that could affect any further application you make. the child being born here would not in itself change you status here in any way.
In any case, I tend to agree with Ramon: the deadline, while tight, is probably achievable, and makes things clear for both of you: it really is make-your-mind-up time. And yeah, the family may well be unspokenly racist, but if he is to be any good as a husband or father, he needs to tell them where to go; and babies are a great at breaking down people’s prejudices.
I would try and extend your visa and have the baby in England.
I certainly wouldn’t hassle your boyfriend about marriage – it won’t really play as big a part in immigration matters as where your baby is born. Also, you don’t have to get married, there are de facto visas.
It sounds to me that he’s not that excited about the baby and I’d bet dollars to donuts he won’t come live with you in Africa. Men are often resistant to idea of baby until it’s born.
Maybe you can ask for his support in lodging paperwork without actually getting married as, once paperwork is being processed, they can’t chuck you out.
Either way, if you want to keep the baby AND your man, I’d suggest making enquiries about extending your visa, giving your man an out and hope he takes to the idea once the kid is born.
References :
well if you are looking for cash in the mean time. here is an honest online job that is so easy. you dont need experience and your own money to invest into it. you dont sell stuff or deliver stuff.
no parties. you get to work ur own hours.
http://www.workathomeunited.com/jenandshannon
i am a new mom. i have a 6 month old daughter. you might be interested in this mommy video:
http://www.youtube.com/user/Melaleuca
References :
No other visa
if you want to stay in UK then you have no choice but to get married – that is what immigration (the home office) expects to see – committment to each other. If he is getting cold feet and refusing to marry you – then you need to go home.
You cannot stay in UK without a visa and separation will be good for you so that he can decide if he truely loves you or not. It sounds to me like he doesnt love you but wants his kid.
I am wondering if he is a bit racist – his family certainly sound racist – they dont seem to want a grandchild of colour. You do NOT want to be part of any racist family.
Children do NOT need their daddy – millions of kids are being raised by single moms and are turning out fine.
You need to give him an ultimatum – marry him NOW or you leave when the visa expires and you will not be back.
References :
If you are asking about the procedures, check the Home Office website below. Your time is running out, as you need to apply for a Certificate of Approval, and then make the arrangements to register a marriage, and then apply for FLR(M) visa extension. This extension must be applied for before your current visa runs out, otherwise you would become an overstayer. (Once the application is in on time, your current status would continue) The website says they "aim" to decide on 65% of CoA requests within four weeks; and then you need to give, I think, 15 days notice before a marriage can be registered; alternatively, if you marry in the Church of England, no CoA is required. In due course, after two years on FLR(M) you could apply for ILR (Indefinite Leave to Remain), and then for British citizenship; your baby if born in the UK would automatically be British through his/her father. If born abroad, he could still be registered as British.
I think though that you are unsure about what you really want, leaving aside the immigration stuff.
Ideally marriage is entered into freely, as you say, but in fact there is a baby in the picture and between you you have to decide how the child will be brought up; there is no real freedom about this. Also, the Immigration laws will not allow you to stay in the country without a clear commitment from the father. Do not think about some other kind of visa, it would be bound to be refused because they will suspect that the real purpose of any further visa will be to find a way to stay in the UK without being married.
If you decide that it would be best to stay together in the UK, I suggest that you go together to see someone that can advise you both how things stand; he most likely is not aware of how strict immigration issues are. You may find your student welfare place to be a good option, perhaps less intimidating and quicker to get an appointment with than a solicitor – but make sure in advance that they actually know what they are talking about. Hopefully he will then realise that supporting you is going to be about more than going to scans together, and that he needs to sort things out quickly.
Frankly, if you return to Africa I doubt that your relationship will last. Apart from the issue of your baby needing a father, you need to think about how your life as a single mother might be back home. On the other hand, getting married in Africa and then applying to return as a spouse is a good option, except that you will be alone through the pregancy and most likely the birth.
If your partner is marriage-phobic, perhaps this will help him: you could get married now as a pragmatic thing, after two years together you can get ILR, if you separated after your status here would still be secure; and who knows, once the baby is here he might find that he’s happy being married.
It may be that his family think you are using the situation to stay in this so-wonderful country or to get your hands on property, or they may be against you for other reasons; it is up to your partner whether he is going to let such ignorance mess up his life. I think the best that can be done is that he is made to clearly understand what the options are and make his decision clearly and quickly.
Option 1: get married here, apply for FLR(M), live together for two years, see how things work out from there;
Option 2: you return to Africa, get married there, you apply to join him, wait perhaps six months, then the same two years here before ILR.
Option 3: you return to Africa, stay in touch for a time, hope that he realises before it’s too late that he made the biggest mistake of his life, that he comes to join you there or to marry you and bring you back, alternatively you just move on and forget about him.
No easy answers, but I hope that helps a little. I really wish you both the best of luck.
EDIT: there is no such thing for the UK as "de facto visa"; you could I suppose try to extend your student visa or get a work visa, but this would basically be fraudulent and certian to be refused if they come to know you are pregnant; and that could affect any further application you make. the child being born here would not in itself change you status here in any way.
In any case, I tend to agree with Ramon: the deadline, while tight, is probably achievable, and makes things clear for both of you: it really is make-your-mind-up time. And yeah, the family may well be unspokenly racist, but if he is to be any good as a husband or father, he needs to tell them where to go; and babies are a great at breaking down people’s prejudices.
References :
http://www.ukba.homeoffice.gov.uk/partnersandfamilies/partners/husbandswivescivilpartners/
You could try to extend your visa into a postgraduate work visa or something similar athough if you are due to give birth in September (me too! HEY!!) this would obviously affect your ability to work/continue your studies and you’d need to look into what is allowed in this situation.
Really the best course of action if for your boyfriend to apply for a fiance visa. This would allow you to stay in the UK for 6 months as long as you are intending to marry in that time. You could not work during these 6 months so your partner would have to prove he can support you. After you are married you can apply for a spouse visa.
http://www.globalvisas.com/uk_immigration/fiance_visa.html
I am not entirely sure whether its possible for him to apply for your to stay in this country as a live-in partner or common law wife, without you being married or intending to marry, you may need to look into this. Its my understanding that the only visa available of this type are for spouse or fiance.
Your child will have the right to claim British citizenship through their father but that will not give you any right to live in the UK I’m afraid.
I think you need to impress on your BF that your visa is expiring and as soon as it expires you’ll need to return home, or risk deportation and possibly being banned from re-entering the UK. He will need to do something else you will have to leave in 2.5 months time, whether he likes it or not. The ball is in his court. Applying for a fiance visa gives you six months in which to sort out a wedding. But its up to him. If he keeps dragging his feet then you’ll have to go home, sadly. He needs to pull his socks up and get on with it!
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I think you need to seriously consider going back to Africa for a number of reasons. Firstly your man is clearly not too chuffed with the prospect of fatherhood. Secondly, because of the age-gap, his parents are not keen on the match and have a right to be concerned. (They are highly unlikely to change their views). Thirdly, you "believe marriage is a free-will decision and we both have to consent to it because it is a lifetime commitment". What about having a child, that is the BIGGEST lifetime commitment available. I think you have put the cart before the horse.
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